32 questions to ask yourself if your parents disapprove your choice of partner

For my Instagram Q&A session yesterday, out of all the questions I got asked, this question was asked a few dozen times. So, here is my list of questions for you, to help you make a wise, rational decision
with ease.

(Please know that 100% honesty in answering these questions will help you make the best possible decision.)

• 1. Why are your parents opposing your choice to get married to a certain person? For
     example, Is it because they don’t trust your decision making? Is it because the person
     is not good to you? Is it because the prospective match doesn’t fit into their criteria of
     a certain caste, creed, race, ethnic background or any other traditional conditioning?
  2. Is adherence to tradition/religion/caste/race etc. important to you? If yes, why?
  3. Should you marry this person, would your parents be shamed or disowned by the
     community they belong to?
  4. Do you trust your parent’s sense of judgement?
  5. In tough times, do your parents function from a place of love, understanding and
     willingness to talk about things or do they shut you out?
  6. Are your parents good at gentle debate and reasoning? Are they approachable and easy to talk to?
  7. Are they good at studying people’s character and demeanor?
  8. Are your parents known to be wise and profound when it comes to dealing with life and its challenges?
  9. Would you consider your parents to have a sound judgement on partnerships in general?
  10. Do your parents fear change in life?
  11. Why is your parents’ approval important to you?
  12. What happens if you go against the wishes of your parents and marry the person you love? For example, would they disown you? Would they cut you out of their will? Would they cut your allowance? Would they be violent?
  13. Why are your parents so adamant about their decision?
  14. Are you being made to choose between your parents and someone you wish to marry?
  15. Why are you expected to compromise?
  16. Will you grudge your parents if you compromise?
  17. Are you someone who tends to take responsibility for your decisions or are you someone who often blames others for things going wrong in your life?
  18. Are you prepared to face the consequences of your actions – good or bad?
  19. Are you an independent thinker?
  20. Do you get uncomfortable when someone disapproves of your choices in life?
  21. Would you call yourself a ‘people pleaser’?
  22. Are you financially independent?
  23. Do you still take a monthly allowance from your parents?
  24. Do you live with your parents?
  25. Do you often ask your parents to take decisions on your behalf?
  26. Are you someone who values tradition or are you someone who doesn’t mind changing with the times?
  27. So far in life, have you proved yourself to be good at making decisions?
  28. Do you have a history of choosing toxic partners?
  29. Do you have any experience with romantic relationships so far?
  30. Do you think you are good at reasoning and analysis?
  31. Do you often take decisions based on your emotions or do you take decisions based on reasonable logic?
  32. (Part 1) List down the concerns your parents have for you if you get married to the person of your choice. (Part 2) List down your concerns for yourself if and when you get married to the person of your choice. (You must have concerns, else you are blinded by biases and that’s not healthy.) Do the two lists tally on some points or all points or none of the points?

Conclusion:
If you’re financially independent, if you’re a grown, legal adult and if the answers above reflect that your decision making skills and your sense of judgement is far better than that of your parent’s, then perhaps, you’re choosing right and must stick to your choice of marrying someone you love.

However, if the list doesn’t reflect much confidence in you and, instead, reveals more confidence in the sound judgement of your parents, I suggest you take their advice.

There are two kinds of people – those who work better making their own decisions, and those who need guidance from others. Neither is good or bad, it just reflects our mental construct. You need to determine which category you belong to and act accordingly.

Good luck!